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Never thought I’d be writing this …
Seriously, all in all you’d be hard pressed to find something I care less about. Admittedly, I read one Twilight book. In my defense, I bought it in a moment of homesickness, because really how often do you get to read about the Olympic Peninsula in a novel? At least I made it through that first book, then I read the second. Even after traumatic brain injury I could see how insipid that book was. The only thing that I am less excited about than the Twilight books, would be the Twilight movies, and any media story about those movies.
That said, I don’t live in a cave, so I do inadvertently know more about Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson than I care to. Funny, though, it is still not enough to ensure I’ve purposefully seen any movie they’ve been in. Before I knew who Kristen Stewart was, I watched “Speak” on Lifetime.
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There is such a thing as too much time
All week I am content with the little bit I can get written because I keep thinking I’ll make up for it over the weekend. Then the weekend comes and goes, and I still haven’t gotten enough done.
Seriously, how does this happen?
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On Developing Community
Of the work in my field what has been most influential to me most recently, are the calls to create communities of practice within our centers. As you might imagine, this idea resonates deeply with me. Drawing on the work of sociologists Etienne Wenger and Jean Lave, theorists have argued promoting communities of practice in the center encourages the consultants to learn from one another, and to develop knowledge together. I see this work as a natural foundation for the argument I make to use hospitality as a frame for the work of the center because building communities of practice in the center provides the consultant a space from which to welcome the writer.
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Slow and Steady
Well. I got up at 5 am this morning. I wrote 66 new words and revised 4 paragraphs.
Not exactly off to the races, but it is something. I’d do more tonight, but since I plan to write here more I thought I should give the place a little face lift. Plus, the DH is home, and I don’t often get to see him these days, so I figure I should take advantage of it — when I am done here.
An interesting thing is happening at work. There is a consultant who wants to work in the field. She has submitted to a local conference and been accepted, so now I am trying to mentor her through this process. What I am experiencing, is I guess what every new professor experiences, it’s just taken a little more on the job time for me to get there. Anyway, about that experience …
It is really weird to hear your own ideas spoken back to you. Well, it’s not exactly my ideas, she has her own views, but I can see the influence her training with my program has had on her ideas. Generally, I don’t think of myself as someone with a lot of influence, so it took me by surprise to have that realization during our meeting today.
Daily word total: 284
Digital Writing Month
I let Ouiser over at the Malarkey Bin talk me into this crazy 50,000 words in a month thing. Not exactly sure I will make it, but like Ouiser, I need the proverbial kick in the a$$ to get me writing again.
It’s not just the dissertation I need to be writing. I also need to be better about writing here, and starting some new writing projects for work. In general, I just need to find the joy in writing again.
As with most projects like this one, I’m certain I should be posting goals. I’m terrible at making goals. terrible. When I set goals for myself, I’m also spectacularly bad at meeting them. Perhaps, however, being a part of a group, and doing this semi-publicly will help me stick to my guns.
- Newest drafts to dissertation committee by November 16th. Full draft to Dr. Belle, Chapter 5 to Dr. Phoenix, and wherever his additions end up for Dr. Chat. (Either Chapter 1 or 3)
- Daily writing in the morning and evening. (I am a pro at 5 am. I suck at getting back to it after dinner.)
- Posts here once or twice a week. I won’t make any promises about topics related to the dissertation, because it is spectacularly boring, and I plan to use writing here as a reward for doing the work writing.)
I think that is enough for now. I do have some other goals in mind if I can make that first goal by 11/16, but I want to wait and make sure that happens.
Professionalization of a sort
Wednesday through Saturday of this week I was out of town at the big conference in my field. This particular conference happens every two years, and, coincidentally, the last one happened during my first year on the job. Although during the last conference I attended more sessions, I would say at this conference I accomplished more. At this conference, I felt much more a part of the profession, rather than a newcomer/grad student looking in.
The sense of, for lack of a better term, professionalization I felt at this conference highlighted the lack of that feeling in my department at home. Now, I will be the first to admit some of that feeling comes from me. I need to project more of the confidence and authority I felt at this conference within my own office. There is, however, a significant way that I think the current structure is set up to undermine those feelings.
Much of this is a part of my title. As the coordinator of a program, and not a director, there are barriers to my decision making process that inhibit my ability to really plan for change. Sure, I can make a plan, but so much of what I would need to put that plan in motion two or more steps removed from me that it is easy to feel like nothing can be done.
Some of this is how I am treated. Again, I think I have made some mistakes in setting myself up here that have led to some of it, but not all. Much of it has to do with the existing politics and administrative structure of the place. There is far too much “management,” particularly of me. There isn’t much I can do about this, but I am hoping that some of the recent changes and the new QEP will lead to some changes on this front.
What I can do right now is to work on myself. Locking myself down in a way, and only projecting the professional that this weekend taught me I am. There are definitely going to be people around there that won’t like it, but my only goals are to grow the service, and have solid foundation for the next person who holds this position.
Small things
At some point in the long dark time that was last winter, the DH told me his mantra for when he was feeling particularly unmotivated and depressed was “Puppies are soft and warm.” It worked best when mumbled while snuggling with our pups. I thought if it could work for him, then it would definitely work for me. And it pretty much does.
Today, the only thing keeping me in the chair with my fingers on the keyboard are the soft puppies surrounding me. Moses is tucked in behind me providing heated lumbar support and the Palestinian is on my lap with his head propped on typing arm.
The writing tasks for today are one blog post, and a draft of a conference paper. I did a lot of hand written work yesterday, so there is a good base to work from. Yesterday, I did plan to get more done than I did, but it was a special occasion. Through the miracle of crappy Skype connections between my computer and my little brother’s phone, I got to virtually attend my little sister’s wedding. It was fun.
The conference I have to attend this week is in my home time zone. It is silly, but true. I never feel truly at home unless I am operating on PST. I am ridiculously excited about being close to the Pacific again. I’m not sure if we’ll be able to get to touch it, but just knowing it is there, and getting glimpses from the plane will make me happy. I’m not going home, but it will certainly be close enough for now.
Finding the joy
Still writing … it is the long and short wrap up of the three months since I last posted. The dissertation is not done, but hopefully it is much, much closer.
Wow! After three months, you’d think I’d have more to say. Guess I’ve lost my bloggy voice a little. Maybe I just need to take it slowly.
If you haven’t already read Gone Girl, by Gillian Flynn, then you need to start it today. Actually, although I’m not generally fond of audiobooks with multiple narrators, I suggest you listen to this book. Broken Harbor by Tana French, and Divergent by Veronica Roth also need to be on your reading lists.
Why should you read these books? I’m not quite up to lengthy reviews these days, but let me see if I can come up with a decent list.
Gone Girl – An author has never yet been able to make me switch allegiances between characters so readily. I’m still not sure it ended as I would have liked it to, but I’m also not sure any other ending was really possible. It might not sound like a big, or good thing, but given the way Flynn tells this story it is essential that she gets you to buy in so completely. After Sharp Objects I would not have guessed she had this in her. By the way, Sharp Objects isn’t bad, just not as well crafted in my opinion.
Broken Harbor – Aside from the fact that I’d read just about anything Tana French wrote, I was pleasantly surprised. Although the characters never did exactly what I’d expected, I was never incredulous about the outcome of events: just deeply, deeply sad. One thing I really love about French is how completely the tone and pace of her books changes from one to another. Broken Harbor is, for lack of a better term, sedate, but compelling. Yeah, you read it and try to figure out how that combination works.
Divergent – Finally, a YA novel that doesn’t involve a love triangle. Do you really need another reason beyond that?
Cutting my losses …
This morning I finally finished the revisions to Chapter1 *mostly*, which will end up either Chapter 2 or 3. It is way more than a day late, but hopefully not too short.
The *mostly* (should sound like Newt from Aliens) is because I am waiting on a primary source from the library. When I get it I will have to go back to change one paragraph, but I’m pretty comfortable with that.
Today’s problem is that my brain, motivation, and body all decided that finishing that chapter was good enough. I needed a two hour nap, and once I discovered the Luther marathon, well it really was all she wrote. Idris Elba people, Idris Elba.
So, right now I am trying really hard not to beat myself up about my productivity today.
All day I have been mulling where to go next. Continue on to Chapter 2, where I can work through feed back, or go back to the Preface/Introduction/Chapter 1 type thing, where I need to actually produce new stuff.
In other news, apparently I watch bad television so you don’t have to. This week I set the dvr to record the series premiere of Perception. Apparently, both dvr settings were set to record, and there was nothing recorded he wanted to watch, so the DH ended up watching Perception first. A few days later he mentioned how bad it was.
Foolish me, I chalked it up to his lack of love for the police procedural. Last night, when my brain was completely fried from the week, I turned on Perception, thinking it might as well give it a try. Ummm, wow, just wow. I don’t remember the last thing I have seen that was such a jumble of cliches and really improbable situations.
- Brilliant, but mentally ill / sick (we don’t know) college professor – he hallucinates, possibly schizophrenic, who’s specialty is “forensic neuropyschiatry”
- Determines one suspects innocence by diagnosing rare neurological condition
- “Consults” for the FBI in his spare time – because apparently he never has to prep for class and/or grade
- Determines another suspect is lying by showing the tape to a mental patient who functions as a human lie detector.
- FBI agent is former student, barely looks 22 but has already been promoted/demoted from the field office to Quantico and back. Oh, and whoever this girl is – worst actress ever – really, it is not even worth looking up her name.
House meets Monk meets the Mentalist = worst television ever.
Normally, I am generous with a new show and give it the entire first season, but Perception has already been removed from the dvr settings.
Remodeling
Focus is not what it is cracked up to be – at least not today. Yesterday, yesterday was great. I tried a new system. Work one hour, break one hour, work one hour, break one hour. Yesterday, I got a lot done.
Today, well today, I did not get so much done. It was a day of late starts and attempts to get focus. Walk the dogs first thing to stay out of the heat, and assure that they leave me alone later. Only then sitting down to work took much longer than normal. Found a recipe, ran to the store, came back, and finally got about 40 minutes of writing in. Got up to do yoga, shower, nap, then pretend to start the day over with the work/break/work/break thing. Did the yoga, showered, then got a email letting me know that I had to go to the day job this afternoon.
So …. drive the 40 minutes to work, work for an hour and a half, drive the 40 minutes home, and what do you know it is dinner time. Tried to at least do some reading this evening, but even that is too much to ask.
Between the day job, the dissertation job, the marriage, the house, the dogs, the …. everything I tend to feel like I should get a shiny prize for every morning I get out of bed, and double prizes on the days I get up at 5am. Instead, this week I got a shiny pile of additional crap dropped in my lap. In the end it will all work out some how; but right now, I need a week and an entire house to re-arrange/clean. Since I have only one of those things, and it is not the week, I guess I just have to find another way to cope.
D5 Creation