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Vacation Round Up
It’s been quiet around here lately for a couple of reasons. First, a long shot of a job application resulted in a sudden campus visit. While that was the only thing on my mind for a bit, it was also not something I thought I should be writing about. Then right after that visit I went on vacation. The vacation was at a lovely cabin in the wilds of Wisconsin where I didn’t have access to internet or phone. It was great.
I kayaked for the first time, and I loved it. In fact, I loved it enough to give myself blisters going out as often as I could. It was also great to see all my in-laws. At nearly every family vacation a story emerges at someone’s expense. For example, at our reception party my father in law tried to open a can of cashews and ended up throwing them all of the room. He has to this day not lived down the cashew incident.
This trip it was apparently my turn for such a story. In addition to kayaking I also tried tubing for the first time. It all went well until my ride was over. No one told me that when the boat stopped I would need to reposition my weight backward. The result was that in exquisite slow motion I felt the tube slipping forward more and more until I went head first into the lake. As I spluttered my way to the surface all I could hear from the boat was laughter and gasps as they asked if I was okay. Apparently the look on my face as I went in the water was priceless.
Between time on the boat and game nights we all had such a nice time I don’t mind being the entertainment for the week.
Feast or Famine: Drought or Sharknados
You might think that as a writing teacher who regularly extols the virtues of free writing and writing regularly I would learn not to fret when I “just don’t have anything to write about,” or fall into the blogger trap of “who cares what I have to say anyway.” I should know the only thing to do in those moments is to breathe deeply, look at the world around me, and put my fingers to the keyboard because then the ideas will come. Eventually the ideas arrive faster than I can coherently write them. In just the last 48 hours, I’ve almost finished a book and have started thinking about what I would like to write about it. The North Carolina and Texas political assaults on women deserves some attention. There is plenty about my summer job that I just shouldn’t write about, and, just last night KnittyKay sent me a tweet about working class academic issues. In short, I’ve gone from “I don’t know what to write about” to “There’s too much to write about.” Feast or famine.
For the past year, maybe longer, I don’t think I can’t count how many times I have seen some version of this image.
Image from Here (Not sure about original):
Seriously, when I searched the slogan, “I can’t believe I still have to protest this shit.” there were 10 pages of results. I just chose the first image I remember seeing of this sign. The point is that it feels like some new reason to mutter this crops up everyday: the Florida courts, the Texas legislature, the North Carolina legislature, the poor treatment of a vast portion of the academic workforce, feminine hygiene products treated as deadly weapons, the list just goes on and on… You might think deluge a better metaphor for this list, but I chose drought because I believe that this list also represents a lack. We each might think of that lack differently – a lack of common decency, a lack of respect, a lack of generosity, a lack of care, but the lack is there. It is what makes it possible for legislatures to ignore their constituents, courts to put victims on trial, and employers to justify abysmal working conditions.
The lack is insidious because it remains undefined – something missing, something wrong, perhaps even invisible until one of two things happens. The public is galvanized by an example, and is able to finally point and say, “That! That is what has been missing!”
An example of this was the public reaction to (and support of) Wendy Davis.
I found this image here, where it is listed via Facebook:Taylor Marsh It reads: “Wendy Davis, first of her name, Khaleesi of the Texas Prairie, born in a storm of Repbulican tears, Breaker of Patriarchy, Mother of Freedom and Queen of our Hearts.”
Davis stood, spoke, and it was like a drop of rain on parched earth. People responded, where they may not have been able to define the lack, they recognized what they needed and wanted. Suddenly, we were a nation of Texans. A week later people, once again, tried to speak back – this time to the North Carolina legislature. I like to think that those of us in NC would have come forward and protested regardless, but I think the momentum created by the Texas event help spur the swift reaction the NC Legislature’s shenanigans.
The problem with the lack I am trying to define is that it represents a constant drain of resources. Like a low grade, but constantly present headache, toothache, or fever it wears a person down. Often the drain of those resources is most keenly felt just when the lack is truly revealed. Galvanized by the shiny example of what the world needs people begin to react and just as quickly realize how little energy there is left for action. Those moments are best illustrated by what becomes entertainment. The dire nature of the current political and cultural climate is, I think, best illustrated by the phenomenon that Sharknado became this week.
Certainly, there have always been those willing to watch Syfy made for television movies like Mega-Shark Vs. Giant Octopus if only for the wonderful snark fodder they represent. This week, however, Sharknado captured the country’s attention. It gave everyone a chance to suspend their disbelief and turn to the patently ridiculously in an effort to relieve the burden of what was happening in their states and/or country. I am sure this need to escape fueled many other forays into the truly improbably, like Godzilla, or I Dream of Jeannie. It is all I can think of to explain the sheer range of people who tweeted, wrote, or talked about watching Sharknado. Or, maybe I am wrong, maybe twitter just makes everyone’s viewing habits that much more visible, and we all just have really bad taste in movies.
In this case I think Sharknado was a collective sigh of relief. Something to momentarily relieve us from the fatigue brought on by the serious drought of common decency, respect, generosity, kindness, (insert your version here) in the current political and cultural climate. I hope Sharknado made everyone who watched laugh just a little and revived their spirits just enough to continue with this fight.
Magical Thinking
Although this flies in the face of all the dog training rules that say “Do Not Make A Big Deal About Leaving,” we’ve always had a leaving ritual that the dogs seem to enjoy.
We get ourselves ready to go, gather up a Kong filled with treats and a little peanut butter, or just a little biscuit or two, and then we say, “Where do good dogs go?” Or, some variation like, “Who’s going to show me where good dogs go?” Sure enough, Yasser and Moshe head off to their crates, or as we call them “boxes,” and wait for their treats. From all the evidence, they both enjoy this process. Well, when there are too many long days in a row with both Bradley and I working, Moshe often leaves his treat for later to come stand in the hall and watch us walk out the door. It is pathetic and heartbreaking – like when he watches me drive away…
Moshe is our sweet dog, but perhaps not our smartest dog. Occasionally, we will find him in the middle of the living room doing this:
When Yasser knows the kong is empty, but wants something more, he picks it up and does the doggy equivalent of throwing it at you. As if to say, “I want some more, damnit!” Moshe apparently believes that if he stares hard enough new treats will magically appear in the kong. Seriously, I’ve seen him hold this stare for a good 5 minutes.
Magical Thinking
Although this flies in the face of all the dog training rules that say “Do Not Make A Big Deal About Leaving,” we’ve always had a leaving ritual that the dogs seem to enjoy.
We get ourselves ready to go, gather up a Kong filled with treats and a little peanut butter, or just a little biscuit or two, and then we say, “Where do good dogs go?” Or, some variation like, “Who’s going to show me where good dogs go?” Sure enough, Yasser and Moshe head off to their crates, or as we call them “boxes,” and wait for their treats. From all the evidence, they both enjoy this process. Well, when there are too many long days in a row with both Bradley and I working, Moshe often leaves his treat for later to come stand in the hall and watch us walk out the door. It is pathetic and heartbreaking – like when he watches me drive away…
Moshe is our sweet dog, but perhaps not our smartest dog. Occasionally, we will find him in the middle of the living room doing this:
When Yasser knows the kong is empty, but wants something more, he picks it up and does the doggy equivalent of throwing it at you. As if to say, “I want some more, damnit!” Moshe apparently believes that if he stares hard enough new treats will magically appear in the kong. Seriously, I’ve seen him hold this stare for a good 5 minutes.
Practicing What I Preach
Did I mention that the big summer tutoring program started this week? How about that this requires me to be out of the office, but accessible by email/text, from 12:15 – 4:00pm every day for the next month? That time is spent attending meetings and observing tutoring sessions to provide the tutors with some continued development. We observe often, and give the tutors feedback, since we know how limited the training is at the beginning. The thing is that, like teaching, there is only so much that you can train for and the rest has to happen as on the job training.
Yesterday, I had to fill in for a tutor who had a Dr’s appointment that couldn’t be re-scheduled. This might be the second year of this program, but it really was the first time I had to do the tutoring work for which I was training people. I was oddly nervous. In the end though, it was fun. As challenging as they can be, this population of students can be really fun to work with. The biggest thing I learned, though, was just how difficult the job we ask the tutors to do is.
I did my best to practice everything from training, and I am happy to say — I think it worked. It made me feel good about the expectations we set.
Submitted …
Last night I submitted my initial materials to one of the jobs I determined would be a good test run. Of course that means the truly insidious part of this process has begun. Submitting an application in the academic job market is not the same, as submitting applications elsewhere. The long nature of the hiring process means there is a lot more time for uncertainty. Time for you to really imagine what it would be like to get the job, to live in the city, to decide you might really want this job after all. Deciding you might want the job, then leads to an increased amount of anxiety about application materials, and how far you might make it. Did I do well enough to make the cut for a phone interview, campus visit?
Then I did the really stupid thing of returning to the online application to review my submitted materials. I didn’t notice any glaring issues, but I did realize my cover letter is really choppy. Not quite a list, but there are no unifying themes tying everything together … and I worry it was too me focused, not enough “Look how well I fit the holes in your program.” But, it is submitted, so it is done now. The best I can do is forget about it.
On Saturday I met with Dr. Knitty Kay for a coffee and work date. We haven’t met up since she moved to the next town over, which feels like two states away for some reason. I see people in Greensboro more often than I see her these days. She pointed out the fun part of getting your materials together is seeing everything you’ve done, and really feeling a sense of confidence. And, yes, I felt like that all last night and this morning.
It was great, until I messed up at work. I thought several other people were taking care of one part of the great summer tutoring project. They thought I was doing it. The result was that we were halfway through a big meeting when I had to run down to the office to locate an essential item. It is like I was getting too confident in myself and the universe had to assume my mother’s role of knocking me down a peg or two.
Duly noted universe, duly noted.
Stops and Starts and Pep Talks
Here is the thing about Virgo-style progress tracking, it requires honesty, and sometimes that honesty can be painful.
It was so tempting to just jump from the 19th to the 29th, which still demonstrates that I’ve not met my regular writing challenge, but doesn’t leave all that blank space in my pretty spread sheet. Here’s the thing about really tracking your writing, though … all that white space matters. Eventually when you track enough that you have scroll up or down in your spread sheet, the white space catches your eye. It makes you think about what was happening, or why writing was not happening.
Looking back at the goals I set for these five weeks, I think I did meet my goal a little more often than it appears. (If you really count any writing.) Remembering to track is, however, just as important as the daily writing because in the absence of printed pages tracking demonstrates progress.
Interestingly enough my focused goal for the second week of writing was to update my application materials, and just today I found a couple of reasons to get down to business. (Of course, now I am procrastinating with a blog post. 😉 ) Having a job, and a job that your not unhappy with, is a tricky place to be when checking out the job ads. There are several reasons I wouldn’t really want to leave where I am right now, but there are a few compelling reasons to keep my eyes open. Namely, I think both the DH and I would like to be closer to one family or the other. When I read a job ad, however, I really can’t stop myself from thinking, “Would I really give up what I have for this?” The question is difficult because yes, it does merit consideration, but it makes it all to easy maintain some inertia. “No, I don’t think I would give up what I have for this” leads too easily to, “Why bother applying.”
Applying leads to all sorts of messy things, discussions with supervisors about submitting an application, the work of updating materials, the endless mental pro/con lists about each position. It is easy to overlook the good that can come from applying, even if the application doesn’t make it out of the initial 600 applicant pool. Submitting an application packet is good practice. Now, I am not advocating for some sort of professional job hunt, but in my case I know that in the next 3 years changes are coming. So, yes, I am just trying to pep talk myself into submitting these two applications. Because, even if these aren’t necessarily the jobs for which I would give up what I have, practicing to get the job I really want isn’t a bad idea. Plus, submitting applications means I could create another spreadsheet to keep track of it all. (It’s the little things that make my Virgo brain happy.)
Weekend Sloth
For the first time in about four weeks I didn’t do anything. I sat in the DH’s Lazyboy, crocheted and watched stuff on Netflix. Saturday it was a nice long marathon of Wire in the Blood. Sunday, in honor of Joss Whedon’s birthday, I watched The Avengers. While I glutted myself on television, I crocheted. Sure the afghan grew, which made it feel like I’d done something, but physically, I really didn’t do anything- no running, no yoga, not even any heavy cleaning. By the end of the weekend I could feel it. My back and hips were sore, and I just generally felt wretched.
I might not really be a runner yet (or ever), but my recent attempts to get myself off the couch have worked their magic by at least making me realize that in the long run doing something is always better than doing nothing.
The Last Weekend
This is the first weekend in a while that I haven’t had to spend at least one day on the road between here and Greensboro. It feels like the first time I have not had ANYTHING to do. While that it certainly not the case, I do plan on cherishing this last weekend before the madness. Training for the summer program I coordinate starts next Thursday and the students arrive on 7/1 whether we are ready or not.
Since this was the last week when I could take things slow and think about one thing at a time I spend some time writing in my work journal. (Yes, that was my writing yesterday.) I’m not so great at journaling at home, but I have found the work journal to be tremendously helpful. In fact, I just finished one and started another. When I looked back at the one I just finished it was fun to remember that it was the book in which I had prepared for my campus visit for this job. The work journal is where I try to write through ideas, set down goals, and -ok- maybe I vent a little too. It works as a sounding board for me, and helps to get through any initial frustration and start thinking about issues in a new way.
I suppose I could do all of that in a file somewhere, but there is something very satisfying about my journal with all it’s sticky tabs and stuff stapled inside.
Do any of you keep a work journal in this way?
Using My Time
One of the challenges I face trying to get back into the writing groove is my desire not to give up the time I suddenly have. Work is busy enough that if I am truly serious about sending something out for publication any time in the near future I will have to once again start using my time at home for academic things. Understandably, I am a little loathe to do that.
The question of what I do with my new found free time comes up frequently. Honestly, I squander much of it re-discovering television. I mean television beyond Hoarders, Discovery ID, and Chopped, and my love-hate relationship with The Big Bang Theory. (I’d give you links, but I’m pretty sure you all know these shows and it’s kind of a pain on my iPad. Ok, ok, I will add them later.) Anyway, as you can probably tell from the above list in the last few months I’ve found comfort in predictable formulas with no thought required. Suddenly, suspense, plot, and intrigue excite me again.
When I tear myself away from the television I have been slowly trying to reclaim my health as well. A walk here, some intervals running, even yoga! Don’t get me wrong it’s nothing like routine yet, but I do manage some form of physical activity more often than not lately.
I think my search for new shows to watch (Hannibal, The Killing) or other ways to fill my time is an effort to protect my evening time. (No, I cannot read any more of that book on Writing Center assessment. I need to catch up on Hannibal, or go for a run, or do some yoga.) One of the only unmitigated benefits to being a staff employee, as opposed to faculty, is that I do my work from 8-5, and then I leave. Up until this point that has been a defense mechanism designed to help me finish the dissertation, but I am determined to keep it that way.
As I move forward with this writing challenge, and start to think more about academic issues and dabble again in academic writing, protecting my time at home while still meeting my writing goals is only going to become a larger challenge.