After re-posting my Rizzoli & Isles pieces, I’d hoped to jump back into posting. As you can see, however, that jump has taken a little longer than expected.
Perhaps it is the space I’m in. Once again on the threshold – graduating, but not done with formatting for the graduate school – which really makes it feels like stasis. Since the defense people have started referring to me as Dr., but it doesn’t feel like I am there yet since I’m still making corrections.
Well, I guess that leaks what could have been the first major announcement of this re-boot. Yes, I successfully defended my dissertation! No, I have no idea what I will do now.
Here are just a few of the questions to which I have no answers:
- What happens with my job? What about the significant budget cuts the state just announced?
- Do I want to go on the market?
- If I do, what kind of job do I want? Where do I want to be?
- Do I want to stay in Academia?
- What do I want to do with this blog? What do I want to write about? Do I want to continue to write with a pseudonym? Do I want to attach my name to this space?
- What am I going to do with all my “free” time?
The only thing I can tell right now is that I need to keep writing. For at least two weeks now I have barely looked at my computer. Any online presence I’ve had has been through my phone or iPad, and the only writing I’ve done has been at work, for work.
While this abscence has been cathartic in a way, I also think it has led to my ennui in other areas. I haven’t really been crocheting or watching television or walking or anything but playing games on the iPad. None of that is good for me. The other day, while the DH and I waited in the Dr.s office for 2 hours, I said to him I need to do something – take a dance class, try growing vegetables again, anything. What I realize now is that I also need to start writing again. As you can probably tell that means this space will probably be fairly introspective for a while as I try to determine where to go from here, but I will try to keep the navel gazing to a minimum.
To my surprise I have actually found myself returning to academic research. I expected at least a summer long moratorium on reading anything remotely academic. However, this week I have been to the library twice, and this morning started reading again. I started with Walking and Talking Feminist Rhetorics: Landmark Essays and Controversies. I’ll let you know how it goes.